My hovercraft is full of eels

The lack of documentation is disturbing. Requirements in the form of code or often, reverse engineered from the code. Phooey! Seemingly adhoc changes to the spec by the architects. Cowboy developers making changes here and there whenever they feel like it to hack in some new feature. Dependencies between developers forcing them to pair up to write code. What a ludicrous idea! Nothing seems to get done until the last minute. We'll be lucky to limp across the line. Whatever that line may be. With no real acceptance criteria, how does anyone know when we're finished?

But wait a minute...it's a waterfall project. Oops! XP was used on the previous project. Let's try that again shall we?

All those tests slowing down my build. How dare they make me ensure my code works. All those story cards on the Wiki to read. Boring! Would you believe I was even *gasp* forced to understand what I was doing by consulting with the business rep. Sheesh gimme a break. Imagine allowing the customer to change their mind at the last minute and still delivering on time. Bah! And what's with asking me for revised estimates every day? I signed up for anarchy. Instead I got micro-management!