My hovercraft is full of eels

So Phil asks me why I haven't blogged in so long. The quick answer is: I haven't had anything much to enrage me recently and consequently I haven't had much if anything to blog about. (It's amazing what time away from a computer does for ones mental health.)

The I receive this email:

Dear eBay Member:

kwikdigital has informed us that they have not yet received your payment for the following item: CANON IR 8500 w/ NetworkPrinter +K3N FINISHER 85PPM - (#7557660205)

No action is being taken against your account at this time. However, it is important to remember that when you bid on or buy an item you are agreeing to a contract between you and the seller. If the situation isn't resolved within 7 days of this reminder, you may receive an Unpaid Item strike under eBay's Unpaid Item Policy.

If you don't respond by Mar-03-2006 you may receive an Unpaid Item strike.

Most Unpaid Item disputes can be resolved through direct communication between the buyer and seller, and we encourage you to work with your trading partner to reach a resolution.

Regards,

eBay

Only I'm not an eBay member; never have been; don't seem myself ever becoming one. So I do the "right" thing and forward it to abuse@ebay.com and for my efforts I receive another email:

Thank you for writing to the eBay SafeHarbor Team.

The address you wrote to (safeharbor@ebay.com) is no longer in service. Please re-send your email to us through the Contact Us page listed below.

http://pages.ebay.com/help/contact_us/_base/index.html

Using this service will help us direct your email to the right department and quickly respond to your inquiry. Choosing the most appropriate topic from this page will help us answer your question faster.

REPORTING SPOOF

If you received this message after attempting to report an email that appears to have come from eBay but actually directs you to another site, you must forward the message to us again by using the forward function of your email program. Make certain that spoof@ebay.com is in the "to" field. Do not alter the subject line, add text to your message or forward the email as an attachment.

We appreciate your assistance in this matter and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Sincerely,

eBay SafeHarbor Team

Tips to Avoid Spoof:

To help our members better protect themselves from spoof Web sites, we have developed a new feature for the eBay Toolbar called "Account Guard." Account Guard includes an indicator of when you are on an eBay or PayPal Website, buttons to report fake eBay Websites, and a password notification feature that warns you when you may be entering your eBay password into an unverified site. To learn more about the eBay Toolbar with Account Guard, open a new browser and type www.ebay.com/ebay_toolbar into the address bar. Note that eBay will never send you an email that includes a download as an attachment or a link that goes to a page with a download.

eBay also recommends that you ensure that your Web browser, operating system, and virus protection software are up to date. Check for updates at the "Windows Update" link on www.microsoft.com and scan your computer for viruses often.

Which is all very well and good but I'M NOT AN EBAY MEMBER.

So I follow the link provided to "report spoof" only to be confonted by a series of questions which I dutifully answer and eventually end up on a page telling me how, as an eBay member, I can:

• Know that an email is really from eBay
• Tell if Email and websites are impersonating eBay; or
• An overview of what to do if I suspect account theft

Which would be realy helpful except I wouldn't have bothered to come here if I didn't already suspect some kind of fraud because, well geee, I'M NOT AN EBAY MEMBER.

Scouring the page a littlke I found, among all these options, an "Email Us" link which of course I cheerfully click on only to be confronted by a screen asking me to Sign-In which as you know by now is not possible because: I'M NOT AN EBAY MEMBER!

However, being the kind souls that they are, there is also another button marked "Register, it's fast and free."

So it would seem that to contact eBay in order to inform them that their system is being used to send unsolicted email to someone who IS NOT AN EBAY MEMBER requires me to become an eBay member. Hmmmm.

Thankfully, it's even easier and "free'r" to configure my email software to block anything coming from eBay.